Archive Page 2

Truth

06Nov07

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. Things that interest me … self education, if you will. I’m learning more on my own than I’ve ever learned anywhere. I think that might be because I am reading and taking the time to absorb what I’ve read and apply it to my own situations. Taking the time to reflect helps. But I guess it also helps that I am actually interested in the material.

I’ve struggled for a long time about what the “truth” is for me. What the purpose of all “this” is. I feel I’ve drawn some conclusions that work for me, and maybe I can stop floating around in a semi-reality haze that feels fake to me. Fake friendships. Fake aspirations. Fake goals. All of it has been fake for so long. Surrounding myself with people who know me to the core is what I would love to do. They have been coming slowly and sporadically, but they’ve been arriving one by one nonetheless (you know who you are).

It is merely impossible for me to be around those who don’t (and don’t care) to know me as I am. They don’t know anything about me other than what my latest “endeavor” is because that is how they label the people in their lives…by what they “do”…not by who they “are”.

“Oh…yes….there is Jen…she is…uh…well, she USED to be a massage therapist….what are you doing NOW Jen?”

Well…let me try to define me here for you so you can put your mind at ease about how to relate to me.

1.) I am a vagabond in today’s societal norms. I do not follow traditional rules and roles as they are written out in traditional suburbanite code. Everything standard defies my value system.

2.) I am not my job, my vocation or my career. I simply am NOT. It does not and never will define me as a person. Please don’t ask me the cocktail question “what do you do?” because you will not find the answers you seek.

3.) Money is paper, and that is all it is. It’s power is only as great as we allow it to be.

4.) I am human. I make mistakes. I have beliefs I have changed because I have evolved (in my own head.) These things are all okay.

5.) I am your friend. I will listen to you when you hurt. I will cry for you when you’re sad, and I will laugh with you when you are happy or celebrating joy. I love you.

6.) I am ME. That is all. That is all I will ever be.


Scatter Brain

06Nov07

Sometimes it hurts when I think too much.
I wonder why I’ve been cursed with overactive brain circuitry – it’s not fair!Do other people think, think, think? No, they just seem to do, do, do…and that is why they flourish – they are not afraid to just “do” life instead of think about doing life.

Well…I’d like to propose that I can think about and do life at the same time. It’s something I’m going to try no matter how much it hurts. How about you guys? Is there anything you’ve been putting off because it’s “waaaaaaaaa…too hard!”? Poor babies. I hear ya.

Life is not only too short…it is unpredictable. If we cannot say exactly what tomorrow will bring, how do we have the right to keep putting off our dreams until tomorrow? Well, of course we have the right, but it’s surely not in our best interest to put off our own dreams.

If you could have your ideal life, what would it be…and why? Don’t be afraid to think big (or silly…like “I want to raise fish in an aquarium and sell them”…anything is appreciated.

I want to hear from you…

Also…selfish as this may be…if you could all see me in ONE profession, what would it be and why? As silly as it may be…I am interested to hear where others think my actual strengths are. I’m struggling to pinpoint it, and it would be helpful to get your honest answers.

Thanks SO much folks.